There are little flashes of truth that come over you in quiet moments. Like the ones I had today.
Ross is at work and we hosted a great party last night it was so loud and everyone was drinking/getting drunk. But it was so loud, so much going on. One couldn't get out a thought befoire it being drowned in the thoughts of others within seconds. Which can be nice, don't get me wrong I like to feel part of something too. I like not being alone I like being surrounded sometimes. An expeirience like that only serves to make the quiet moments more profound. Like this morning after Ross had kissed me goodbye and went off to make money. I was left in the after math of a roaring good time the night before. Empties everywhere, spills, ash froim the hookah dumped over the coffee table, which is fine, I expect that when I host a get together. As I was getting into the shower and thinking about what I had said the night before I realized that I have discovered a part of what Love is. I wrote a note right before going to bed telling Ross that I would clean up the mess before he got home from work the next day. When I got up to brew some coffee I saw he had written me a note back. It reads "Don't worry about it! You're the greatest woman to ever have walked the earth. Ross :) ;)" Yes it has the winkie faces. That;s just how we roll haha. But it made me think. I was thinking all about what it is to love someone. What lengths would I go to for him. What sacrafices good and bad would I endure just so that I would be near him. Would I die for someone I loved? Would I steal? Would I lie for them? Or would I accomplish a much more difficult task, would I put my desire or fears aside so that I could further his happiness. I just couldn't come with the answer No. I would do anything for him. And the main reason being that he would never ask me to. That's what people in love do. They forget themselves in the other person. If he losses all his money. Then I am homless with him, no questions asked. If he has to move for a job, I quit mine. You get the point. That's a part of love. Just one small aspect of an endless idea, feeling, and word. Love. You do things for one another. And it's funny but when I would do the same thing for someone else it would feel like such a hardship. But with Ross, with this unending burning that i've always had for him since the first time he held me. Since the very first time I caught him looking at me with his unimaginably green eyes, I was hooked. I knew I would do anything he asked as horrifically scary as that might be. I couldn't even fight it. Which is also why it took me years to finally officially date him. I was so scared of what I was capable of with him. When he is sick, all I want to do is help him get better, when he's mad I want to be his smile. That's what it's like when you love someone and you don't even realize it till you have those quiet moments after the party.
