Just listen and hear me out

I'm not asking you to allow me years to figure out where my heart truly wants to be. I'm aware that it's been  several years already and that I should KNOW who I want. Especially since I feel so connected with you,a bond I could never hope to duplicate or replace. But can you understand that I am two people people trying to occupy the same body and mind. I can't choose which one's dreams will outweigh the other. So I just keep slicing off pieces of each waiting for one to drown in the blood of the other, and the one that truly wants to be free will win. I can't silence the screams of either ghost inside me they both have a right to live. Just when I feel like the white ghost is winning the red one rears up refusing to be cut out and forgotten. So yes I love you. But I love him too. You are opposites and appeal to each of the lives inside. I've heard it tell that if you find yourself in love with two people you never truly loved the first person to begin with. But I don't know who came first, you or him? Which ghost lived inside me first?